Mother's Day too

As I was reading my daughter's Mother's Day post, and after talking with her last night, I was reflecting on motherhood. I had visions of what motherhood would be like before I ever had a baby. I guess in some ways my visions were accurate. But mostly being a mother was a lot more and a lot less than I thought.

I thought I would love a baby a lot. I really had no remote idea how much I would love my children. There aren't words to describe what "a lot" means when it comes to love for your own child.

I thought that, if I did things right, they would always be "good". Well...I guess it all depends on what you consider to be good. All in all they turned out all right.

I thought that I would always do things right. I learned I'm not perfect and life gets in the way sometimes.

I thought kids would be grown up and I wouldn't ever worry about them once they graduated from high school. I pray every day about someone or something to do with the kids. And I pray that they pray.

I thought that kids would always be the kids and I would always be the adult. I learned as much from them - even when they were very little - as I taught - maybe more.

I thought I would be happy when my babies were all kids. I found I really loved having babies.

I thought being a mom would bring joy. I had no idea how much fun and laughter it would bring.

I thought that, if I did the best I could, they would understand. I found that sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the best isn't good enough.

I thought that, if I made them be accountable for their mistakes, they would grow to be responsible. I was completely right on this one. They are amazing and, at least to a small part, I think it was because I did expect them to be honest and accountable.

I thought that, if I loved science they would too. I think they like it OK and a couple are in a peripheral field but no scientists (yet - I have one in the making in my granddaughter).

I thought it would be easy to have a happy home. It has taken me so long to get to this place the kids are all grown and gone.

I thought that, since I was a good mother and good teacher, I could be a good stepmother. I had no idea that this would be the hardest job of my life.

I thought that being a mother would be a peaceful ride on the slow river. I found it was a raging torrent always going faster and faster with a thunderstorm overhead.

I thought kids would certainly not make the same mistakes I did. Some did, some haven't yet, some may be working on them now.

I thought I would know everything my kids did. Every holiday dinner I learn more things I didn't know and probably never needed to know (you know - the soy sauce on the dining room table as a slip-and-slide?).

I thought motherhood would be one feeling. I had no idea the breadth of feelings it brings - joy and pain, laughter and worry, relief and anxiety, glad they are grown and wish they were still little kids, gratitude and......well, just gratitude to Heavenly Father for wonderful kids who make me proud. Loving, caring, mature, intelligent, responsible adults - the kind of person I wish I was at their age. I was certainly sent some very special spirits. I hope they know that.